For Paul,Nicholas and Evans my brothers..

In the absence of a father, God gave me three brothers and they have been instrumental in how i think and view life,what my dreams are what my passions are and what my values are.The three i have are as different as different can be and i got all the three of them in me.

One taught me my letters and my numbers,my algebra and my grammar,the other taught me how to save and to depend on myself,the other one taught me the value of thinking before i speak.

One taught me who God was and blessed me for my future,he helped laid the foundation of my faith and today i remember just how precious he is to me.He taught me how to behave,how to present myself as i wanted to be addressed and he told me to be all i can be and want to be.

The other one taught me endurance,making mistakes and living with the consequences when making things right was not an option,he taught me faith in me,something i have needed to look out for every now and then as a young woman.He also taught me to read,books, articles, newspapers to read anything  could lay my hands on and today reading remains my favourite past time.

The last one taught me gentleness,the power of a smile-his smile is so rare but like that of a child so pure-hope expectations,commitment,selflessness and he has taught by being tested and passing the tests.

Paul taught me the love for a child love that never goes away.

Nicholas taught me,the love for self something that everyone needs to learn.

Evans taught me the love for a mother, that unbreakable bond.

Today i remember my brothers who are fighting their battles right now,but who i know will win because they are winners and they taught me the principles,today i bless my brothers for greatness because they are destined for nothing but the best,today i uplift my brothers for uplifting me in ways i cannot begin to explain and today i declare my love for them all because they may not say it,but they show it at every given opportunity.

Bless you all.

You were-are

I know you,

you are my first thought in the morning before i disconnect from my dreams,

you are the reason my heart sings, and before i figure out the melody.. a tune.

you are the throb in my ear before i hear you

the smile on my face when the thought registers,that i know you,knew you before i met you,i knew you before you were,

An extension of my senses,a disconnect with my reality,

yes i knew you when nothing else but me was,

knew it could only be you when you became and when you did i realised you knew me too..

and it was.

Be somebodys Hero Today

A hero is defined as someone who exhibits extraordinary courage and or ability, someone who exhibits bravery in their actions.This is a person who stepped out of the norm and did the unexpected and we all have those ones..or we should only we are mostly looking for grandiose deeds whereas heroes are found in the simplest of day to day activity.
I read somewhere and believe this to be true ~>that the real heroes of modern day living are the men and women who wake up everyday and face theirs fears afresh the day having changed but the fears remaining the same.
Look at people who wake up in the morning with no source of livelihood and a family to feed somehow,people who have sick children and no medical care to offer them,people who are fighting with HIV/AIDS,people who are suffering the ravages of cancer.
This are the people who are unsure of a new day but they wake up anyway and try to find answers to the questions that life poses to them,this are the people who are living with disability and who do not let that deter them from living full lives,this are the people who may suck at something but strive to improve it everyday.The ones who bring sunshine into our lives by being so positive about life,about their situations who are grateful no matter what befalls them and who most of the time we dont notice how much out of the norm the are, this are the people instead of wallowing and throwing pity parties go on everyday,try again and again and at the end of the day are much better for it.
I have several of this people in my life, people who have made huge differences to my life and contributed to what i am today,one of them is my elder brother,i remember growing up he was already working and out of home and his visits were something of a celebration..he would encourage me to do better in school buying me presents when i did good and keeping track of how i was doing  most importantly he introduced me to the bible,every time he came home for a weekend i would refuse to go to bed at my bedtime so he could tell me a bible story..he introduced me to Abraham Isaak,Moses and even Jesus and those are memories i still hold dear to date.
Another person is my mother,there is a lot we can all say about mothers good and bad but my mother is just ”the one” there were times as a teenager where i couldnt stand her and we still have our spats even now but she remains my biggest fan and i admire her tremendously,she has taught me patience though am still struggling with achieving patience,she has taught me endurance,she has taught me forgiveness,she has taught me unconditional love she has taught me to believe in myself she has taught me perseverance and my believe in God comes from looking at how her faith is unwavering even through the toughest of situations and believe me when i say her life has not been the easiest.She is still teaching me and though am not the best student she loves me unconditionally and she prays for me always.
I may not be able to appreciate everybody here because i was raised by a village and am still living in the village but who is your hero today have you appreciated them lately ?please do its those little things that ordinary people do that make the greatest of impacts and unless you are waiting for a superman moment appreciate those the most.

Playlist: Mariah Carey #Hero

My peeves that aint pet

I have peeves and they are not pet.they are serious annoyances and irritations that have the potential to become full blown and even warrant anger management classes if i can go so far.
1. Please dont wake me in the morning unless the house am in is on fire and only then wake me froma distance that is…dont shake me please but please if you can just dont wake me. It doesnt matter if i was going for that life changing interview that day and you fear that i am going to be not wake me up!
2.Please dont assume you know what is pissing me off you dont until you ask and sometimes even i dont know why am mad,I am a woman and worse still am me, so stay the hell away untill i want to talk about it.And i may never.
3.Dont plan for my time please dont..i may be very idle but please dont think of telling me what to do when unless you are my boss and even then give me the expected deliverables and the timelines. i will deliver. before time.Otherwise please let me be.
4.Do not plan for my money there is a reason it is my money and since i am not fending for any children yet..let it be mine..i will plan for it just like i worked for it,i will share it as i see fit,i will use it as i see fit.It is my money.
5.Do not talk to me like a child.I am not one. If there is anything about me that makes you think of a child let me know i will help you get rid of that thought from your head forever.
6.If i want to talk, you cannot shut me if i dont want to leave me the hell alone.
7.I know what i want for my future,i am a christian so am asking God to align whatever i want to his purposes for me,in the meantime do not assume i want a life like yours or anybody elses,do not assume that i will do/live in a particular way because society expects me,do not lay on me the burden of having to detail it to you that it is My life,i will live it as i see fit,you have yours i aint telling you how to run it so quit.leave me be.
8.If i annoy you so much leave me alone,if my anger spurts are something that you feel you cannot handle leave me alone,if i am unreasonable leave me alone,i dont have to see your reason anyways.
I am unreasonable,selfish,cranky,moody,i am more than you tell yourself probably worse but you know what i love me,and most importantly God gets me and he loves me.. e lot. so if you really cant stand me nobody is forcing you to, leave me be. #endofcurrentrant

Np Pink So what.

Nostalgia-Lovers Past

There is always that one who gets away,the one you cannot help longing for,cannot stop yourself from yearning for,and if you stop you start again,it just never stops,the fire is still; there not blazing but glowing warm enough for the nostalgic times.

There is always that one who you woke up in the middle of the night with their name on your lips and in the morning with a smile on your face for,the one who without your days were unending.

There is the one who could excite you even in their stupidiy even in their shallowest acts you found something to celebrate,that one who you gladly made excuses for,the one you forgave even before they realised their mistake,the one you made every effort to sell to all the Thomases.

There will always be that one who didnt have to touch you physically to give you that tingly sensation but under whose touch you melted,practically to jelly.

There is always that one who you know is umatched and who will never come close to anything/anyone in your future.they were simply the best you ever had.

Then there are always those who you know you were the best they ever and will ever have..



NP#Maroon 5 – Until you are over me

Of Dreams and Realities

I am so pressed I need to go to the bathroom.. ok it can wait just a bit i have to do this post before it goes away.. the inspiration I mean

2012 is a good year for me, a learning experience and since the year started I have been trying to get inspiration for doing this year differently you know and so far so good .. ok let’s look at my lessons January  till today.

It’s never as good as the first time-I don’t know how true this is but I guess it depends on the circumstances in this case a talking about love.

The most expensive advise is free-think dentist work versus what yor grand dad said and or for the ladies going to the gynecologist

Foolishness had no cure-think of a person who calls himself a programmer but cannot find an excel sheet in a workbook.

People are crazy though we are all going through different phases there is an insanity in every one of us the best of us just know how to tame

People love to gossip and this is true of every one of us men and women

If you cannot stand up for your own someone will make it theirs-think personal space, property ideas

We all need leverage to achieve our dreams, the faster you realize yours the faster you stop being used as someone else’s leverage

Anger never resolved anything sense does-be the sensible one not the angry one

Love thyself first(after God) the rest will follow

Then there this two things I really need to do before the year is over, I mean fun things no stress but you know still goals (please note I realized this very recently and since I don’t make resolutions well….)

I need to learn how to ride(on) a motorbike-na sio boda boda like -the one Tyrese rides in in “I like them gals’’

I need to learn and ride (on)a horse fast like Sade in “Never as good as the first time’’

That is all for now #need to pee in the toilet not on myself.

On my Playlist  Sade-Flow#

Ps: The photo is because i need to figure out how to do uploads on WordPress..

Eternity starts now…

Life is a cycle. Everything goes on in a circle. No one knows tomorrow. Do unto others what you would like for them to do unto you. This and other slogans we have heard over time to make certain that our days are spent taking care of tomorrow, that our eternity is assured.

The question is Do we really? Do we take the time to make today the best it could be? Do we do unto others as we would want for them to do unto us?  Do we forgive others as we like to be forgiven, do we magnify other peoples’ wrongs and minimize our involvement in others’ hurts justifying the reasoning behind our actions and rationalizing our way out of apologizing. Do we go round life with a block on our shoulders expecting other people to excuse their every action in our presence because we are without fault and we are not to be questioned under any circumstance? Do we act as the only persons allowed to make decisions in how others treat us the judge and juror in this case -of the story of our lives?

This is not a lesson in morality but then again, if you knew without a doubt that your days were numbered and without any possibility of a miracle you were going to die…what would be the order of activities in preparation to your death? Would you be among the number that made a list of people to apologize to? Would you make things right with your creator or would you give up and let what comes be…?

On Legacies…what kind of legacy would you leave behind? What would your tomb stone read ’’therein lies the greatest sweeper of all’’ would your kids say you were the best or that they didn’t really know you because you were too busy to let them get to know who you really were? Would your partner say you change so many times they have no idea what to think, will you be the best friend that someone needed or will you be a relief to someone’s back because they have been carrying you all their lives? Will you be a loss to the world or a good riddance and a sigh of relief?

I have recently become so aware of how fickle I am as a human being how short life can be how fast opportunities are made and lost. I am made more aware of the ripple effect, how the smallest act now can bring me pain for days to come, I know of consequences ,I know of lessons and it pains me to no end to realize that time and again, i am concerned about things that are not important, things I can do without. I miss out on so much joy when I don’t forgive, carry so much burdens when I carry a grudge. I get myself disappointed so many times when I expect so much from people, close off so many opportunities when I close off my mind to new people, ideas and worldviews.

I have sadly realized that I am in the list of people who if given datelines will definitely make a list of people I want to make things right with the number who will ask for more time because my today has not been lived to the maximum.

If I knew my days were numbered and there was no chance of salvation whatsoever for me I  think I would die immediately why wait and plan for agony when you can have it today..

But seriously I have decided to live now to pray often, to share, to say what I feel ,to express and not to rely on telepathy, to apologize and mean it, to love truly, to forgive completely to enjoy to the maximum and then maybe I don’t have to worry about it so much what do you think?

On My Playlist: John Legend Over and Over

Hello Deodorant..And Toothpaste AND Nail Cutters and Brushes

Breath IN.

This is one of this posts that are random to the core and i want to get it out of my system has been a long time coming.

I love people who smell good i appreciate fresh smells i do as long as its not fresh sweat,which is the reason for this blog i mean how do you smell in the morning like first minute after eight in the morning and you just walked into the office -which is in the co-oporate not personal fitness where people are allowed to smell sweaty and you stink?!How now why now? and you want to be all up in my space well hello deo!!

Have you come across the new Dentyne advert everywhere you go i like it..i think its a good step to getting the issues of personal hygiene to an applicable level…so to hell with all y’all who want to say good morning in my face and i can tell what you had for dinner please did you know they now make toothpaste and toothbrushes and that its polite to brush your teeth just for othe peoples peace of mind..mind you!

And whats up with you having long nails that you clearly cannot take care of and you are a not! its a huge turn off lets not even get to you who have their pinky nail longer than your other nails why would you want to do that? someone lied to you its a turn off for Real!!

Ok let me go and think of other issues that i think need to be highlighted as turn offs i don’t care how many times they have been said /written about but as long as no one is paying any attention am going to say it so many time someone is going to start listening  and doing something about it.

Please shower use deodorant please,brush your teeth ,cut your nails ,clean them its the freaking 21st Century we are not in the jungle.

Breath out!

Listening to Capital FM Nu soul Thursday-(If i was a man Cess would be my kinda woman).


Reading -The Shy Narcissist

Slapping on a Lady is just wrong!

Some time ago some guy slapped my sister for some reason that she wasn’t very clear about, we had some good laughs about it today because apparently as she says she felt her ears ring at the time, she even thought that her teeth were out ,it was so painful she says that the world got dark for a few seconds BUT that guy will never hit another woman atleast not my sisters kind- she hit him back. Hard. in the face. so hard he got a nosebleed and then she bit him on his arm hehehe women and backhanded tactics !all this in college and apparently he was the one on the wrong she gave as good as she got and the guy must have got it because now they are good friends..Hmmm!

This got me thinking about men who slap ladies for no good reason(apparently there is good reason to slap a woman) don’t get me wrong am against any kind of gender violence…I know there are women who beat on their guys story for another day.. today am going to talk about men who beat up on ladies not just one slap but one, two ,three, break a nose, an arm and why do ladies allow guys to slap them once twice thrice four times, break an arm and you are waiting for him to?….Kill you?

AM not going to mention any names but I know several ladies who have been in physically abusive relationships for periods spanning over a year and it was beyond me-still is to some extent –to get why they never got out when the it started because it never stops once it starts and by the time they were getting themselves to get out and get themselves better they had nothing but shadows of their former selves to salvage and its painful to watch to say the least.

So I ask again what makes an educated man, one with perfectly good sense one who has everything going for them get to the point of slapping a lady around read the lady part please! And ladies what is it about that man that is so attractive ,so good you can’t do without him even when he’s slowly killing you allow him to break your spirit and your body too and your ass is still there with him, I mean am sorry I just don’t get it.

So I have never been slapped by a man, I came close twice the first time I thought that man was crazy because picture this-I catch him with his pants down no space for the denial stories again and I tell him what I think of him and the she-male and he wanted to raise his hands on me? dang! How now?

The other one who tried to raise his hand on me was a neighbor who had told untoward stories about me in the hood and I got wind of it, being me I confronted him about it and after exchanging words, very angry words he raised his hand and best be told it stayed in the air because what I told him scared the shit out of him I bet he thinks of me and still shivers..What did I tell him? Don’t ask it’s not anything I can write here.

Anyway I don’t know what would happen if someone actually did it I mean  But I know I would be so shocked I would drop down and die if it happened-anyone who knows me knows I have a very low capacity for pain very low, actually I think its nonexistent I mean physical pain am not so good with it. I will holler like mad and any way I don’t think I will be provoking anyone to the point of wanting to do it anytime ever am done with that kind of drama.

I go back to the question up above what makes a normal by day, sober calm man slap on a lady ? Here’s what I think any man who slaps on a woman whether in anger or whatever is a Coward…look for someone your own size, and you have the deepest insecurities inside and should be seeing a shrink about them and no matter how bad  you have been wronged there are always better ways to deal with issues apart from.

And ladies you with the habit of provoking men to raising their arms and then whining about it stop with the provoking and you women who beat up on men stop please, JUST STOP!


Am listening to Love is on my side-Brandy

Nothing Lasts Forever..

When my time is gone there is nothing I can do but accept it taking it in my stride a best as I can and on to the next one..

Looking around me I realize that there’s always going to be someone younger, hotter brighter at my trail. Someone with better dress sense, more common sense, one with a bigger ass, better looking boobs, longer hair, greater legs someone who makes better conversation and whose knowledge surpasses mine ..they will be/are like a stalker, and I can’t seem to shake them off and they remind me that my clock is ticking and fast…that my time to make an impression and leave a Mac-Steve Jobs’ style is hurrying past me and I better make the most out of it, do something that will at the end of time and the lord asks me what I did with my life gives me something to say in addition to spending it with ‘’you’’.
Anyway as I was saying this people are going to scare the hell out of me are scaring the hell out of me they are going to make me doubt myself make me shut myself in my room for days thinking of ways to outmaneuver them ,outdo them-remember we always hear about outdoing yourself well it makes sense when you are on top and yes you can stay there but at some point this person comes along and well you want to outdo them shake them off your trail if only to stay at the top.
But always they will be lurking at your shoulder coming up with new ways to be better at what they do -this in the workplace or in a social setting..but you can always do the right thing be the graceful one the bigger man and always smile (try) at the next person getting better or catching up to you it’s never that serious I guess and as long as I am working my purpose and what was supposed to be I will be good and so can live with myself and my newly perceived insecurities .